Unresolved
by AerynsFallen
Summary: Drabble from Hannah's POV because the latest episode made me sad :( Small hint of unrequited Hannah/Castiel and Destiel leaning at the end...


**Inspired in part by PandoraTheFox's "Abandoned Highways" and the season ten episode "Girls, Girls, Girls" so smallish spoiler ahead! **

**Just wanted to say I loved Hannah and I'm definitely sad to see her go! T_T**

**I don't own anything.**

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><p>And so it was. Hannah was not a selfish person. She wasn't a person at all. She was an Angel of the Lord, even if the Lord had seemed to forget his children. She knew she had a purpose. And for awhile it seemed her purpose was to serve at Castiel's side.<p>

At first she considered it a privilege to help Castiel in whatever manner he required. To be his strength when his grace was taken from him, and his stolen grace began to fail him.

She began to realize that the time she spent in a human host was beginning to affect her, to make her feel emotions where she had felt nothing but devotion for her Lord before.

She browsed the 'internet' when Castiel slept, trying her best to make sense of the confusing feelings that had her breath catching when he smiled. Or sorrow filling her when he gave even the smallest gasp of pain or weakness. First came the worry, and affection for the Angel she was sure should lead them.

Then genuine concern, deep enough to make her uneasy about his well-being, whereas she'd accepted the true death of an Angel as only natural before. Affection turned into what humans called, a 'crush', a gentle feeling of warmth in Castiel's presence. A simple joy when he smiled or laughed. A moment of being mesmerized when he attempted to share his amusement, or joy or sorrow with her.

Castiel became more important than their mission, to the point that Castiel himself began to notice that her regard was not strictly professional. He tried to 'let her down gently' as the humans termed it. And she felt a confusing mix of regret, hurt, and even relief at the realization that even if he did feel something for her, he would not act on it.

And yet those emotions teased her, taunted her to act on them. She loathed them as much as she began to cherish them. She began to want things, things she'd never wanted before. The feel of Castiel's skin against hers, his warmth of his body within reach. She caught herself looking into his eyes and wishing that what was surely reflected in her eyes be looking back at her. And yet he watched her with a guarded expression of regret, even if he appeared to enjoy her company.

Despite his warnings she wanted to make certain that he felt nothing for her. She knew that undressing in front of him was considered inappropriate in human terms unless they were intimately acquainted. And yet, how else was she to gauge his response to her body? How else to tempt his favor when she was so frustrated by his gentle affection and cold regard. A pat on the shoulder, even a small hug was enough to ignite emotion in her affection-deprived psyche. She was sure as time went on that he meant nothing for it. But she had to know. She _had_ to.

And he'd seemed perturbed by her nudity. Uncomfortable and yet he stole side glances her way, almost as if he couldn't help himself. And it gave her hope.

Until she realized that what she felt for him, was nothing compared to what Hannah's host felt for her husband. When he confronted her, with wide eyes of disbelief and joy, Hannah had received a shock of emotion from the woman trapped within her. Joy, regret, desperation, love so strong she wanted to take it for her own, or throw it from herself because it felt like too much. She was an Angel, and she was not ready for such human emotions. Perhaps she would never be ready.

It was then that she came to the realization that as much as she admired, and perhaps desired Castiel. She did not wish to be him, or be with him if it meant feeling these overwhelming emotions that threatened to paralyze her with their intensity. It was then that she realized that the emotion she saw reflected in her host husband's eyes was an emotion she'd seen before from Castiel himself. And it had never been aimed at her.

It might be ironic that she'd begun to fall for an Angel who'd already loved a human. She considered it a blessing that she'd seen sense before it was too late. She respected Castiel, perhaps even went so far as to admit adoring him. But she was not in love with Castiel. And he belonged to someone else. Even if that someone else was not aware.

So she chose to leave her host behind. To return to heaven where human emotions did not confuse her or draw her away from the path that she must follow. And to give Castiel the chance to work past the confusing emotions she was sure she wrought in him. Hannah was certain his host was a heterosexual man. And she was certain that some part of Jimmy Novak was in Castiel, perhaps influencing him in some small way. Maybe enough to confuse him about his preferences. With her out of the way, it was clear that whatever gender his host preferred, Castiel was hopelessly in love with Dean Winchester.

She hoped for his sake that Dean could one day feel the same. So she chose to watch over Castiel from her rightful place in heaven, praying that one day he too, would find his purpose and his place by Dean Winchester's side.

**Reviews?**


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